What to say...

I felt it was about time I wrote something on here. And to be honest, I don't really know where to start.

I first want to say Thank you for even taking the time to read this and most of all care. I can't express how hard this has been, because I'll be honest I feel very naked and vulnerable knowing this blog even exists and that people have read it.

My pride is something I've struggled with, because I want to be strong and I want to be seen that way. However, we all have moments of weakness, and maybe strength comes in asking for help? I don't really know...

The last several days I've just kind of been speechless. I've not really known how to react. I can't even say that I still know how to react. I still don't know what to say. Sometimes "thank you" just doesn't seem like enough.

I never ever wanted to be the "poster child" for something like this. I wanted to be the one to help others like me, single parent or not. I know that single parents aren't the only ones who struggle...we all do. But "single parent" is now one of my roles, and it's a role that I'm struggling with, but desperately trying to fill. Sometimes I'm good at that, sometimes I'm not.

For me right now the best thing I can do is take myself out of the picture. I know very little about who has read this, who has responded and I'm okay with that. My role right now is to focus on other things. What you might ask? Well as it states this is a non-profit organization to help single parent families. Yes, I am in need at this moment, but I won't always be. And there will be other men and women through death, divorce, and other various things that need help, support and encouragement. That is my focus.

I'm not really sure how to get that off the ground. I have a few ideas and I'm not going to re-invent the wheel here. I'm researching what works and what doesn't and trying to emulate those programs in place. If you have any ideas, suggests and insight...please let me know. If you would like to help...again, please let me know.

I might be more willing to put personal details on this blog than I normally wouldn't put on my own, because essentially this blog is private. If you received and email then you know about it. If you chose to forward the email on, then they know about it. If you chose to link it to your blog, then others have read it. I'm having to put away the fact that I'm still not quite comfortable and look at the bigger picture. And the bigger picture isn't me. The bigger picture is helping others. That's the only way I see it. I want to pay it forward. I want this blog and this ministry to pay it forward all for the glory of God. I want those people that are blessed by this ministry to pay it forward, because someone did something for them...and so on and so on.

Let me tell you about a few ways people have helped me over the last 2 years. My neighbor owns his own landscaping company...he's mowed my lawn free all summer long. He won't let me pay him. A married couple wanted me to go to counseling...I couldn't afford it. They paid for it. A family has kept one of my sons clothed all winter and summer from their sons hand me downs. My nephew keeps my other son dressed from his hand me downs. My Mary Kay lady, who also happens to be my mother, gives me make up for free. I had a family buy me a new computer and fax machine so that I could work from home last year. I had someone else anonymously give me money to pay for me to take my loan officer's license test. There have been so many things that people have done for me...it just blows me away!!!

I say all of that, because giving isn't just about money. Yes, there is always that need. But I'm trying to think outside of the box here, and think about how I/we can start ministering to others. And you know if this is something that God really blesses, it could completely blow up in our faces. If done correctly though, I don't see that as such a bad thing. Needing more storage, because I don't have enough room for clothes that have been donated isn't such a problem. I welcome those kinds of problems.

So I'm doing a little brainstorming...I welcome you to as well. Think about things that you have that you don't need or want anymore, and think about things that are important to you. Every personality is different in the way they want to give.

One other really big thing I need is connections. I need connections with single parents. We may have a product to sell, but without the audience it means nothing. I have a few ideas there as well...but I welcome all input!

And most of all...pray. Pray, pray, pray.

If you read my blog you've heard me mention this quote before. "Trouble is temporary. Time is tonic. Tribulation is a test tube." My reaction to my situation is my choice. I will chose to be the victor. I am not and was not victimized. My situation is temporary and I know it. Do I face some difficulties? Yes, I do...but God and I together are getting through it, and I want to show the world that. Am I weak sometimes? Yes, but in my weakness, HE shows me strength. God is good, y'all. And I can't wait to pay it forward.

Larissa